Monday, May 9, 2011

Oh me. Oh my.

Well, it's been an interesting last 6 days, I'll say that much.

Last Tuesday, I was innocently sitting in my studio, working on a SRM's Summer CHA class projects and all of a sudden I hear a CRASH BANG BOOM from the other room. That rhymed...

So, I went to investigate. A mirror and one of my very favorite antique Ball jars that were just perfectly perched on the fireplace mantle were the CRASH BANG BOOM that I heard, and I was flummoxed. How on earth did that happen?!? And then I saw it. Slithering. Yes, that's right. Slithering. Across the mantle.

HOLYMARYMOTHEROFGODANDALLTHATISHOLY.

I ran out of the house, sure that I would find a man in a cape with a dead snake emblem emblazoned on his chest, just waiting to slay the little creeper on my mantle. But no. He was off saving other, skinnier, prettier damsels. Bitches...

So I ran back inside and called the hubby. Voicemail. "Justwantedtoletyouknowthere'sasnakeonthemantleandi'mallalone. Callmeback."
Mom. "Hiiiiii sweetie."
"There's a snaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!!!!!"
Mom. "Whaa?"
"A snaaaaaaaake."
Mom. "Wha?"
Then I proceeded to explain the situation and she sat with me the whole time via speakerphone on the coffee table, as I navigated the broken glass with a broom, trying to coax it onto the end of said broom, thinking in my head that I would fling that slimy little bastard out the back door, past the gazebo, over the chicken coop, and into nevergobacktothatwoman'shouse land.

But it didn't happen that way. It happened in much the same way that every cartoon granny chases a household pest out the back door with a broom. And then I chopped it's head off with a shovel. That's the part they leave out of the granny cartoon. She's nicer than me. I mean, I respect the snake's right to life. They're good for the ecosystem and all that. Eat the mice. Blah blah blah. But not in my effin' house!!!!

So that was Tuesday.

Wednesday the refrigerator repairman finally showed up (after two months of waiting for our replacement part) and ten minutes later called me over to tell me that the part that he had was broken. Lucky for me, Eric was home that day because I fear I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself from hurling the nearest snake at his head because I want my two thousand dollar, six month old refrigerator to work, damn it! UGH.

Then on Thursday I woke up as usual when Eric turned the shower on. I rolled over, thought, "I love his cute little butt," and then decided I'd check my email while I waited for my turn. I grabbed my iPhone, thought that it was odd that the battery died, and realized that no, it's just not turning on. It's throwing a tantrum. Apple....

So I ran to plug it into my laptop to magically fix it, because it was surely just an update that it needed to be revived. Surely just something that I was being delinquent about. Couldn't possibly be an Apple problem. That never happens. And since my life depends on my phone, there was no possible way that it wouldn't be okay after it updated.

But no. It was a shootmeintheface kind of morning. And then a shootmeintheface kind of day when I realized that not only do I not have my phone, I don't have any of my phone numbers and can't leave the house, because I won't be able to access the email I was expecting that day that would have to be responded to immediately. I mean really...how did it come to this?

So after two trips to the Verizon store, a new phone was on it's way to me. The impending four whole days of no smart phone were daunting.

Saturday.
National Scrapbooking Day.
Thank GOD! Mama came up to our house so we could go to the Scrapgrlz crop in Los Gatos for Mother's Day. So ready for fun. And fun we had! Until I tried to open a paint dauber bottle with scissors and wound up stabbing myself in the finger. Blood literally spurted all over my table. But missed my white shirt. Phew...

After several minutes of trying to get the blood to stop, the resident EMT and nurse said that I would definitely have to get stitched up. So down the hill we headed to the hospital where I was told I'd have a twoandahalfhourwait!!!!! A what? Twoandahalfhours!! So I decided we'd better go to Chevy's for dinner. And margaritas. Mostly margaritas. So worth it.

Went back to the hospital and wound up with no stitches, just steri-strips and glue and a tetanus shot. Double phew...

Back to the crop just in time for everyone to pack up and leave. Such a bummer. But still a good day, all in all.

Today.

The Fedex man showed up at my door way earlier than I expected which was great. The chip that was in my replacement iPhone is not so great. So now I have to wait two more days to get another one. Seriously, I'd rather stab myself in the finger again...

So that's the recap of the last week for me.

Looking forward to Freebie Friday this week. A big winner and a new giveaway!!
Be sure to leave a comment for your chance to win. Facebook it if you want another entry!

Was that post long enough for you? Jeez. I'm beat. Nighty night!

4 comments:

  1. Sorry things are rough right now, BUT I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog a couple of weeks ago!Not only for the inspiration, but for the freakin' laughs! Hope things get better!

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  2. Whoa!! I would of not liked the snake thing either!!! Yuck! I had a spider, big one! on my conditioner bottle one time when I was in the shower (2nd floor of a 2 story mind you! I screamed, went flying out of the shower. Had the heebie jeebies the rest of the day. Hope your finger is better. Love the way you write... made me chuckle.

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  3. Glue Meets PaperMay 11, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    hahahaha!

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  4. I am sorry that you had a bad week. I hope this week goes much better. I hope you did some fun pages and took pictures of the dead snake for future memories!

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